Death Poem

late summer sun warms

grasses just going to seed,

meteor showers

catch the breath and light the night,

tides rise and fall — what remains?

This year's poem was inspired by some powerful haiku written by women poets in their middle years.  The metaphors of nature, of autumn, as a way to describe the changes of age:

from Masajo Masa Suzuki (1906-2003)

no escaping it ---

I must step on fallen leaves

to take this path

-

autumn for woman

having dyed my hair

I feel sad somewhat

 ~ ~

from Sogetsu-ni (Imaizumi Sogetsuni) (?-1804)

divine mystery

in these autumn leaves that fall

on stony buddhas

-

As the festival dancing dies,

the sound of the wind in the pine trees

and the insects’ voices.

~ ~

Also inspired by my dad's death this year, on July 4th.  His favorite holiday.  My mom, brother, and I came home from the hospital and set off as many fireworks from his (rather large) stash as we could.  My mom had been a little worried about keeping that many explosives in the house.  He was always a bit of a rebel, and loved to cross the Mississippi River to import illegal fireworks into Illinois.  He loved the ocean, and our last visit to the ocean in Florida was / is a treasured moment with him.  He was also a bit of a hedonist, and really did enjoy his life.  

I feel his presence in many moments.  Alive or dead?  I won't say.  

Death Poem

Even Gautama was shocked at first,

abandoning the comfort of the palace

seeing what was outside.

So please forgive my incredulity

Upon seeing my benefactors;

  Parents ill and infirm

Glimpsing my teacher in all-white

The bodies that gave me

This life

This jewel.

It’s like being stunned with grief

that it’s wintertime.

May I, too, abandon my own palaces.  

May the Teachings penetrate this small, self-centered view,

Turning “me” inside out,

Becoming large enough

For all  this  gratitude.  

Commiserating

Commiserating! What a word! And that's exactly what I was doing this morning at the gym. "Isn't it cold... So hard to get here... Would've rather stayed in bed..." And with that, there is connection, finding common ground. Many complaints originate from this benevolent urge. Surely I can come up with another way to connect. Rather than complain about the rain... In Portland!  Day 1.

The Challenge of Right Speech

"Right Speech" SoulCollage card

"Talk to each other, reason things out with someone else but let there be no gossip or criticism of one another."  

So goes part of the closing of a 12-Step meeting.  It is what I see practiced, for the most part, in so many humble church basement rooms.  While not a perfect program, and not for everyone, I have observed people changing their lives dramatically for the better, becoming more sane, empathetic, and grounded through the 12-Steps.  People do seem to live with this and many of the aspects of the program as a guide to doing less harm to our fellow travelers along the way. It is inspiring, and I wondered how a norm like this might be adopted in a Sangha, or in a life.

After all, we do have a few precepts about this.

Googling around, I found something:  The 21-Day Complaint-Free Challenge.  There is a book, a website, and some writings here and there on people's experiences with trying it out.  So, after reading a little of what was available for free online, I figured I got the concept, thought, 'I will take this up!'

And then I publicly said so on my Facebook page.  

This was before I quite realized the difficulty of what I was taking up.  You wear a purple silicone bracelet from the Complaint Free World people, or you can use a rubber band -- I am using mala beads.  You switch the bracelet to the other wrist with every verbal occasion of:

~ COMPLAINING ~ CRITICISM ~ SARCASM ~ GOSSIP ~

And with every switch, you start over at Day 1.  So it's not likely to be a 21-Day challenge, unless you're on a 21-day silent retreat.  It is, for most people, a 4-8 month challenge to accumulate 21 consecutive days that are complaint (and criticism and sarcasm and gossip) free! 

I caught myself complaining a few times the first day.  Then soon discovered it would be much harder to get to Day 2 than I had realized. Many times I caught myself complaining before 9am. I remained on Day 1 for about 9 days.  This is apparently a normal trajectory.    

I made it to Day 3 today before heading right back to Day 1.  

I have been sharing my progress (or lack thereof) with Facebook, but this may be a better venue for that.   

Welcome, again, to Day 1.

 

This Year's Death Poem: Bansho & Jomon

We ended up creating our poem(s) this year together.  We talked about the major themes this year, the fruits of practice, and here is what emerged:  

Filling up with fixed ideas and the best-laid plans

As a bamboo deer-scarer

fills with water.

Brimming with certainty until

All at once, it pivots (surprised again?)

And with a deep bow

Now 

It all spills out, boundless

Empty

Now rising *thok* hitting stone and

Open.  

Fall Practice Period: Too Busy For Dancing?

Here is a little e-mail encouragement I wrote for our Heart of Wisdom community as we are about 3 weeks into Ango.  We are observing this by making commitments to increase or Zazen time, and also to look at the things in our lives that might make it harder to do this.  People can participate in a discussion group on Voluntary Simplicity, and / or they can investigate the Koan, Yunyan Sweeps the Ground.  It's been a while since I've posted, so I just thought I'd share.

~ ~ ~

Our Fall Practice Period is a time to increase our Zazen time.  How often have we felt "too busy" to focus on spiritual practice?  One way to look at being "too busy" is to examine the Koan, Case 21 of the Book of Serenity, sometimes called "The One Who Is Not Busy"

This koan features Yunyan and Daowu.  They lived and practiced together in a monastery in 9th Century CE China.  We chant Yunyan's name in our service honoring the ancestors: "Great Teacher Yoon-yan Tan-shung (Yunyan Tansheng)"

Some sources say Yunyan and Daowu were biological brothers as well as Dharma brothers. There are a few koans about their interactions.  They seemed to have a relationship with sibling energy that included a friendly banter, sometimes challenging each other's understanding of the Dharma.

Yunyan Sweeps the Ground

As Yunyan was sweeping the ground, Daowu said, “Too busy.” 
Yunyan said, “You should know there's one who isn't busy.” 
Daowu said, “If so, then there's a second moon.” 
Yunyan held up the broom and said, “Which moon is this?” 

Yunyan was the younger of the two.  Imagine you're the little brother absorbed in sweeping the ground, and your older brother walks by and casually offers you a challenge.  It's on!

Yunyan and Daowu's exchange points to the absolute -- formless, timeless, boundless awareness.  In pure awareness, how could there be busy?  But it also points to the relative.  The stuff we are doing in our day to day lives, like sweeping the ground.  If we separate the two into "busy" and "not busy", it's like saying there is a second moon.  As our chant says, "the absolute and the relative fit together like a box and its lid".  Our day to day activity, permeated by awareness is available right here, right now.

COMMENTARY 
“Without upset there is no solution, without struggle there is no expression.” Here as Yunyan was sweeping the ground Daowu casually tested him. Yunyan said, “You should know there is one who isn't busy.” Good people, as you eat, boil tea, sew and sweep, you should recognize the one not busy—then you will realize the union of mundane reality and enlightened reality; this is called simultaneous inclusion, naturally not wasting any time." 

There are some wonderful ways to work with this koan, and explore simultaneous inclusion here and in Darlene Cohen's wonderful book, The One Who Is Not Busy.

Who is the one who is not busy, and why can't I hire her to do all this stuff on my calendar?  We have all experienced our own very busy minds even in the stillness of the Zendo.  No matter how still we make our lives on the outside, busyness can creep in.  Is there one who is not busy in the daily activities of our lives?  Can we be that one?  Here is one personal example of working with this koan:

Jomon Mops the Cafeteria 

Work is a valuable opportunity to test-drive our practice; bringing the mind of awareness to the activities of work.  Who is the one who is not busy?  Assigned to mop the cafeteria floor at Great Vow this past sesshin, here is a chance to look, to notice, to inquire:  Do I feel busy?  How do I know that?  What are the thoughts and sensations that seem to create this "busy"?

Busy seems to be, at least in part: Mopping And...  Mopping and hoping I am doing a good job.  Mopping and wondering what people think of me.  Mopping and hoping a good treat will appear on the tea table later.  Mopping and judging work as a chore.  Mopping and wondering if I can get the whole cafeteria done in the allotted time.  Busy!

With awareness to the sensations of mopping, the activity of mopping becomes just sensation.  The rhythmic movement, the sensation in hands, feet, arms, body swaying side to side.  It turns out, this movement is much like dancing.  How is this mopping different from dancing to the marimba band with Bansho*?  Dancing and mopping can be experienced as just sensations in the body.  In this way both dancing and mopping are an expression of this moment, just doing what is in front of us to do. Expressing love and joy, being giver, receiver, and gift in each activity.  In this way, everything is our spiritual practice.

Are we "busy" dancing?  Maybe, if we're busy thinking of our calorie count, our cardio efficiency, what people think, or how we look.  Or maybe we can be just dancing?  Just feeling the breath, feeling the body, even in activity.  Can we just be mopping?  Just drinking tea?  Just listening to a friend?  Just moving through our day and our calendar items.  In this way we appreciate the one moon, the one moment that is all we really have.

The past few weeks of our Fall Practice Period are gone.  We can start again, right now, and put our Ango commitments in front of us again.  May your practice go well!

Love,
Jomon

*Of course, Bansho is a much better dancer than the mop at Great Vow.

Demon Candy

There is a natural tendency, when our practice starts to go well, to get excited at the prospect of attaining wonderful results very quickly. This excitement is believed to attract maras, malignant entities who create obstacles for us. It is like turning on a neon sign in our thoughts that says, "I am on the verge of a great breakthrough! Hey maras, come and get it!" Avoid this, because experience teaches us that this kind of excitement over hopes of great and swift results, rather than enhancing the practice, simply creates problems in our meditation.
~B. Alan Wallace